I used to be very skinny. As a child, I was often told by doctors that I was underweight and the truth is, I don’t even remember eating all that much. I would have cereal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and one serving of whatever my mother made for dinner. I didn’t snack, I wasn’t allowed to drink soda. Basically, my beverages were kool-aid and chocolate milk. I was also a very active child. My dream was to be on star search or be a professional cheerleader/dancer or a horseback rider. I just wanted to be famous haha. I ran around outside as often as I could, or could be found dancing in the basement. I definitely did not sit still.
However, no matter how big my dreams were, my childhood had a much darker side to it. My mother was classified as bipolar/manic depressive when I was in 2nd grade. I was terrified of her is pretty much what it came down to. From being slammed against a wall numerous times because I didn't want my hair cut, to having my life threatened because I stopped her from committing suicide. I try not to recall a lot of it because it was pretty painful emotionally and physically but it led to me spending lots of time on the computer which was out in the utility room... away from her.
When I was 13 years old, I was still underweight, and people often asked me if I was anorexic because I was so skinny. My parents also started question my eating habits and made me eat second helpings, etc. Soon I was normal weight but as soon as I started up track & field in high school.. I, once again, dropped weight.
And then I became depressed. I quit track, I sat around on the computer whenever I could to escape my ‘real life’. I was bullied in high school by so many people. Even some of my “friends” bullied me. It also didn’t help that my mother was diagnosed with bipolar, and I had to deal with her verbal abuse, so I turned away from everything that I loved in real life and focused on the internet world. It was an escape for me and people were nice to me there. I started developing websites, and playing with virtual pets, playing sim city, etc. I also began to eat a lot of candy/junk food. I was addicted to chocolate. It tasted so good and made me feel so much better!
Unfortunately, I started to gain weight. I had always struggled with my appearances and it didn’t help that I was so flat chested in High School that guys often asked if I was really male. It hurt. My self esteem plummeted and my “friends” were so mean to me. The more the real world hurt me, the more I focused on sitting on the computer and eating. Eating and more eating. I was probably 110lb by the time I gradated high school. That isn’t really anything but then I worked full time and stayed at home. Things weren’t getting better and by the time I was 20, I weighed 120. Again, not a whole lot but with my tiny frame, it looked awful on me.
I started eating less and working out, but again I was being hounded that I had an eating disorder because I started losing weight. Nobody believed me that I was fine. So, once again, I started eating. It was a vicious cycle and when I turned 21 and went to college, I was obsessed with working out and trying to lose weight but alcohol was introduced into my life. I held steady at about 125lbs and it didn’t bother me.. too much.
It really went down hill though when I went to work at McDonalds. Yes. I worked at McDonalds. Fast food was all around me and even though I never ate it before, I couldn’t escape the smells. I craved it so much! So I started eating it, daily… by the time I quit McDonalds I was 150lbs. I was addicted to it and could not stop eating it. I was eating whole pizzas, going through fast food drive-throughs, and sitting on the computer doing absolutely nothing. I was so ashamed of myself that I stopped doing anything social. I was addicted to fast food and was slowly killing my health. My gynecologist was encouraging me to get active and eating healthier but it seemed worthless.
One day, it hit me. I don’t remember what made it all click but it did. I was NOT going to let myself get worse. I was tired of people asking me if I was pregnant or whispering behind my back about how I looked. I was tired of it all and I knew that I could change. The saddest part of it all was that I had a coworker who was trying to lose weight, and I gave her tips on the best way to do it, and she lost 60lbs. 60! She thanked me for helping her and it killed me that I helped somebody achieve their goal body, but I couldn’t get mine.
Then one day, my good friend, Brandon showed me an article about how bad grains were, and it literally changed my life. I stopped eating gluten, and I discovered the Paleo diet. I also discovered kettlebells. It was almost as if I finally figured out that 1 + 1 = 2 and I started losing weight. I started loving life again and people were complimenting me! I hid away from the world for a whole month while I ate better, worked out, etc. and that also included my boyfriend. I avoided him for a MONTH. It was hard, and he was annoyed but I told him I had to do this. And I did it. I lost 23lbs in a little over a month and when I emerged people actually noticed. They told me I looked great, they asked what my secret was, and it was fantastic. My boyfriend loved it (still does) and is now encouraged to try losing weight, himself.
My journey is nowhere near over but that is okay. I still deal with struggles with personal issues, being unsupported, and losing trust. However, I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel now and I know I can do this. It is a struggle everyday but everyday that I do something, I know it is an accomplishment and a step forward. This is my journey, and I know I can do this.
Insanity:
doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results. -Albert Einstein - See more at:
http://www.acefitness.org/acefit/fitness_programs_article.aspx?id=2927#sthash.uwnKRWdX.dpuf
Insanity:
doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results. -Albert Einstein - See more at:
http://www.acefitness.org/acefit/fitness_programs_article.aspx?id=2927#sthash.uwnKRWdX.dpuf
Insanity:
doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results. -Albert Einstein - See more at:
http://www.acefitness.org/acefit/fitness_programs_article.aspx?id=2927#sthash.uwnKRWdX.dpuf
Insanity:
doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results. -Albert Einstein - See more at:
http://www.acefitness.org/acefit/fitness_programs_article.aspx?id=2927#sthash.uwnKRWdX.dpuf
Insanity:
doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results. -Albert Einstein - See more at:
http://www.acefitness.org/acefit/fitness_programs_article.aspx?id=2927#sthash.uwnKRWdX.dpuf
Insanity:
doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results. -Albert Einstein - See more at:
http://www.acefitness.org/acefit/fitness_programs_article.aspx?id=2927#sthash.uwnKRWdX.dpuf
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